G.A.D.D...

Guy Against Dunkin Donuts
Back in November I gave up coffee, something I've been drinking every day for the past 16 years. I've tried to stop quite a few times, but so far this is the longest I've gone without it. I must say, it hasn't been easy. I miss it's cleansing properties... I miss crashing when the caffeine wears off... I miss those jitters when I drank too much... I miss that terrible death breath after the first cup of the morning... I could go on and on. I've actually had dreams about drinking it. I get these ghost smells where my nose thinks it smells a fresh pot brewing, even when I'm out shoveling snow. I still have two bags of Starbucks (an establishment I despise) mud in my refrigerator I can't bring myself to throw out. I sometimes hold the bags close to my chest and stroke them as I gently weep.

This has all made me realize that coffee is the most addictive substance on earth, even beating the notoriously addictive crack (which for the record I have never done). Dunkin Donuts is the new Pablo Escobar. They serve 2.7 million customers a day worldwide. Caffeine is the most widely used psychoactive substance in the world, and you'll never guess what the primary source is... the coffee bean.

Beware of the bean my friends... beware of the bean...